I’ve never been one to go after women who are younger than me. The number doesn’t bother me; the maturity level does have an impact, though. Usually then women I date are around my age and younger by a few years so “dating older women” hasn’t been so much of a reach for me because the ones I’ve been worth were close enough in age.

When I was 22, I dated a woman briefly who was in her forties. I remember it well because she was direct. She came into my work on my last day, gave me her number and said Hey, we should get lunch sometime. Lunch turned into dinner instead, followed by a walk, and then an insanely spontaneous kiss. None of which I initiated. Our relationship had lasted all of a month before she was “done.”

17 years later and I still haven’t forgotten her. She put me in my place, and I liked it. I knew then that I enjoyed the company of older women and wanted to know more about how to date them.

When I think about older women and why one should date older instead of younger I first get caught up on the comparison. It’s not a fair comparison. Because the premise of what an older woman is versus what a younger woman is bullshit. Our society likes to label things, people, and experiences to make it all the more palatable and easier to digest. I get it.

With my ex, she is my age. We met on Tinder. On Tinder, she put herself as being five years younger than she actually was. This isn’t uncommon among female online daters. I have a couple of other female friends who have done the same. Why? Well, a lot of guys won’t date women older than them. A lot of men prefer women who are younger and typically much younger. Again, why? Some men think dating a younger woman is better because it’s easier to impress her. Some men feel younger women have “less emotional baggage.” For real, folks. Who comes up with this bullshit? It’s all garbage.

I know plenty of young men AND women who have lots of emotional scar tissue; who have done and seen way more shit than I have. These baseless reasons are a crock and what happens is that a lot of wonderfully qualified and beautiful older women get passed up because of such neanderthal-type thinking exists.

The case for older women
To be clear, a case doesn’t need to be made for older women. Older women are fucking great and, as Aaliyah (RIP) once said: Age Ain’t Nothing but a Number.

I think back to the woman I dated when I was in my twenties, and I think back to my recent ex who is my age. Why was I drawn to them? Their strength. They did what they wanted to do; they didn’t have any fear about what they set about doing. They weren’t afraid to be themselves, to be funny, or to be fucking angry. They wore their clothing comfortably. They didn’t need to impress anyone because they were already impressive. My ex-was a soon-to-be Ph.D. (now she is). The other lady had her shit in order, owned a few properties, raised a kick-ass daughter, and was fit like a brick house.

These older women had confidence and a sense of adventure. They did what they wanted to do in life and were not ashamed of anything. If nothing else, they are simply victims of nature—yet our society likes to devalue women for aging like it’s their fault! One of my good friends, who is a nurse, is only 33. She takes botox injections. She’s already quite beautiful. Someone put an idea into her head that she needs to keep looking young to be attractive. This is a tragedy.